I was meeting a long time friend for lunch. We were catching up with one another and the happenings in our lives for the past decade when she asked, “What do you say to someone of faith when they say to you, ‘But God doesn’t like divorce. Divorce is a sin.’?”
I am not an advocate for divorce, but I have come to understand that there are times when it is necessary. My response below is the one I give to someone who has already done the work over time to try and save the marriage.
Honoring God requires you to honor yourself too. If you have been honoring God and your spouse, but not yourself, this goes against what God wishes for you in marriage. As a person of faith, I go to Scripture from time to time as the Source, like a tuning fork to tune my spirit (instrument) and true up my wisdom on a specific topic.
On the topic of marriage, I find too often we hear the Scripture about what God wants about a wife submitting to her husband as she would to the Lord, but there is another part of that same Scripture that isn’t equally known. It contributes to the necessary balance in a faithful marriage…
Ephesians 5:21 – “Submit yourselves to one another because of your reverence for Christ.”
Ephesians 5:25 – “Husbands, love your wives just as Christ loved the church and gave his life for it.”
Ephesians 5:28-29 – “Men ought to love their wives just as they love their own bodies. A man who loves his wife loves himself. No one ever hates his own body. Instead, he feeds it and takes care of it, just as Christ does the church.”
Ephesians 5:33 – “But it also applies to you; every husband must love his wife as himself, and every wife must respect her husband.”
It is stated clearly. Both wife and husband, with one another are the balance for a faithful marriage. Does your spouse submit himself to you as you do to him? Does he love you as Christ loves the church? Do you love him as the church loves Christ? Does he love you as he does himself? Do you respect him as you respect yourself?
The sad truth is that you only have the ability to influence and impact that part which is yours to honor. If the other spouse chooses not to honor their part, it goes against God’s design for a faithful marriage. They are ending the marriage by no longer honoring you or God. It may take time for you to comprehend that you cannot save the marriage with more honoring on your part. It will not provide the necessary balance, which is only theirs to produce. You cannot make them. It is in their heart or it is not. It then becomes their responsibility, not yours, to save the marriage. The choice isn’t yours.
It becomes yours to determine for how long you are willing to remain in a faithless marriage. Do not allow yourself or others to use God’s Word or listen to partial wisdom that only serves as a way to distort and manipulate you and/or the situation. God has already paid the price for you. You have ‘free’ will. You have already been forgiven. God loves you. He is with you. He wants you to to be honored as much as you honor Him. Consider what God wants for you is to use your own wisdom and faith to discern for yourself. Now, if your choice was truly free…what would you choose?
The choice IS yours.
Toni McGillen
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