When you marry, it is the most exciting time of your life.  So many great adventures are happening all at once.  You are in love.  You are planning a day to remember.  You may have dreams; you may have ideas from other weddings that you would like to implement into your own.

While you have every right to celebrate and fantasize about your special day, chances are you rarely take a moment to check in with yourself to make sure you are also taking care to protect yourself and your family.  When I was engaged, the last thing I would want or wish to think about is how do I make sure that no matter what happens, I would be okay.  Isn’t that being negative?  Isn’t that untrusting?  These thoughts were the very thing that would keep me from contemplating how to best care for myself, my family, and my groom in the unlikely event that ‘til death do us part’ not come to fruition.

While on vacation together, my sister asked me a touching question about my divorce.  Were there signs?  Can you please teach my girls, so that this doesn’t happen to them?  It made me stop and think.  Really think.  What had I learned that could make a difference for my nieces?  What would I wish for them to know before becoming a bride?

Here it is for them and for you!  There is no doubt that you have faith and love that this is the one and that this marriage will last, otherwise you wouldn’t have said yes.  Even still you have the right to take a moment, yet also a duty to your family to make sure you are setting the stage for all to be cared for no matter what happens in your marriage.  Once legally married, we become part of the legal system.  This is a system that isn’t taught to us in school.  The insurance, banking, and property decisions ahead are ones that need to be understood.  There is an education that needs to take place about what ‘joint’ can mean.

It is easiest to coordinate decisions and actions when trust and love is high.  As newlyweds you are there, yet look and see how many things are still challenging to decide and act on together just about your wedding day.  Now imagine years from now, if trust and love astonishingly become absent.  What is the likelihood of coordinating decisions and actions together then?

It will become costly not to know the impact that these decisions can have on you.  Most brides will not find this in their wedding planning portfolio, yet it would be beneficial to include the financial understandings of what will come and decisions that will need to be made in the not too distant future.

Property:  cars, homes, titles, deeds, names on title, waiver of ownership

Banking:  checking accounts, saving accounts, primary account holder, joint account holder

Investment accounts:  brokerage accounts, roth IRAs, traditional IRAs, 401Ks, annuities, cash value on a life insurance policy, college fund 529, etc…

Life insurance:  types (term vs variable), policy, owner, insured and beneficiary, cash value, etc…

Inheritance:  pre-marital, marital

Income streams:  single household income, dual income, passive income, dividends, capital gains, etc…

Legal Agreements:  prenuptial, post-nuptial, settlement, custody, etc…

If I go into all of the what if’s here, this would no longer be the blog I meant to write.  I will however go into some basic lessons learned as I was divorcing that are beneficial for every bride and groom to know before marrying.

Property – homes, cars, etc… whether inherited or not, if someone’s name was placed on the title/deed, they too can be deemed owners, unless there was a specific release of ownership signed at the time of issuance.  When purchasing a home together, at settlement, there are ways to designate ownership, waive ownership, including what is to happen to ownership if a spouse dies.

Bank accounts – checking, savings, etc… – the primary account holder holds the authority over the account.  Yes, even if it is a ‘joint’ account.  A spouse can place a pass-code on a joint checking account and effectively shut the other out.  The bank only upholds their policy which is to ask the joint account holder for the pass-code in order to access anything.  As joint account holder, you will not be able to reset the pass-code or anything without the signed permission of the primary account holder.  The primary however, can do most anything without the joint account holder’s signature, including closing the account.

Brokerage accounts –if joint are joint.  Either joint account holder can place a pass-code or revoke a pass-code without the other’s permission/signature.  This account will allow the ability to revoke the pass-code and access your portion of marital funds to transfer into a sole account.

Life Insurance Policies – The Owner of the policy holds all authority, unless the Beneficiary is named as an Irrevocable Beneficiary.  Only then does the Owner need to get permission/signature of the Irrevocable Beneficiary to change the Beneficiary on the policy.  For example, if one spouse is Owner of the policy, and the Insured, but not the Beneficiary.  The Owner is able to change the policy without the other spouse’s permission since the other is neither Owner, nor Irrevocable Beneficiary.  If the policy carries an investment (cash value amount), it will become available to the Owner alone.

Inheritances – Most inherited valuables will be honored in the legal system if the spouse was NOT added to the title/deed, etc…  If you cannot settle the divorce amicably, you may need to go to Court to deem what is marital and what is not for personal property settlements.

Income streams – It would be good to know what amount of income you would need to support yourself through a separation, until a divorce is finalized.  Make sure you have a way to access that type of financial cash flow, whether it is your current income or an investment portfolio to draw from if needed.  In my case, the state law mandated living in separate residences for a minimum of 6 months before being able to file for divorce.  It took another 6 months for the Pendente Lite Hearing to consider awarding temporary alimony or spousal support, which made it 1 year before I received any of my portion of marital funds for support.

Legal Agreements – If you choose to have one or if your spouse asks that you sign one, please take the time to meet with an unbiased lawyer (solo) to educate you on both the benefits and downfalls of the contract you are signing.  It may be worth considering depending upon your specific values & circumstances, especially before choosing to leave an income to stay home with the children.

My hope is to give some encouragement as to the importance of educating yourself, where to start and what details and decisions to consider.  For me to be able to divorce, my family ended up paying for me to set up a separate residence, legal fees, and more, a total financial amount near 10 times the amount of our wedding.  In hindsight, it would have been better for all involved had I taken the time to better understand the decisions I was making and how they impacted my ability to gain access (or not) to my portion of marital funds, assets, and my own inheritance.

I already know you are on a better path than I was, for you now have this information.  I wish you the happiest of days, one that is bright and full of love, with family and friends.    Best and blessings to you on your wedding day.

Toni McGillen

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