I’m not sure where to begin, except to say that I believe this information is critical to the empowerment of women and is uncommonly known.

We live in a time where we boldly empower our sisters and daughters  to become educated, contribute, follow our dreams, stand up to injustices and more.  However, we are not educating ourselves about the most threatening dynamic I’ve seen to securing a future for ourselves as an empowered woman:  divorce

Please understand that I support marriage.  I still do.  In fact, after divorce I found love again and I am happily remarried.  What I don’t support is a collected ignorance of what becoming married means in the legal system if ever a one decides that the marriage is no longer sustainable, and divorce becomes necessary.

Most women are unknowingly ignorant about custodial law, about financial institutions and their primary account holder policies, as well as insurance policy ownership.

We don’t take time to educate ourselves and it is not easy to become educated on this topic.  It is not a fun topic.  It is not openly discussed.  As a bride to be, we believe wholeheartedly that there will never come a time for us to divorce or if so, it will be an amicable one.

So why does one need to seek out this education before becoming married?

The simple truth is we need to educate ourselves before we make these life decisions.  They will impact our possible future, our children’s future and even the future of our parents and/or siblings.  We need to educate ourselves from making decisions that will inhibit our financial ability to move forward, beyond divorce, if it ever becomes necessary.

We also must learn the basic fundamentals about the law and become prudent in how to protect oneself to remain empowered and able to pursue one’s own dreams, regardless of whether remaining happily married or not.

I am sharing this article as a mother who traveled this road herself, not as a legal expert.  Please seek an expert in your county of jurisdiction if you need legal advice.  This article is my attempt to educate and expose certain legal restrictions that still exist in some states.  These legal implications are critical and are not known.  For example, did you know?

1.  One must first live in separate households for a minimum of 6 months before one can even file for divorce.
2. To receive temporary alimony and/or child support, it requires a Pendente Lite hearing, which can take up to 1 year to schedule (after separating households).  This hearing requires an Attorney, a Judge and a Court, and incurring the fees for all.
3. To hire a divorce attorney, it can average $25, 000 just to get started by retaining a good one.
4. If one leaves without their children, they can be sued for abandonment.
5. If one leaves with their children, they can be sued for kidnapping.

Now imagine, the one for whom this divorce has become necessary  no longer has their own access to financial means or substantial self-income.  Imagine they are the primary caregiver for the children; they have no separate place in which to reside; no immediate ability to create significant income and no access to financial means to hire a divorce attorney.

Also imagine, the other spouse has their own income and is the primary account holder on all accounts.  They move their business income to directly deposit into their own private account.   They place a pass code on all joint accounts effectively cutting off the joint holder from all access.  They are the policy owner on all insurance policies.  They can change the beneficiary and have sole access to any cash value ($) in such an account.  They cancel joint credit cards and no longer pay the balance due on the ones the other party holds in their name alone.

The one who deems the divorce necessary can become dangerously trapped, unless they have substantial financial means (non-marital) to provide and pay for their separate residence, living expenses and legal fees to finance the full divorce, until the final Settlement & Custody Agreement is filed with the Court.

In my case, I had the blessing of my mother’s love and her ability to do this.  Several others have not been so blessed.  It is my mission to educate and respectfully share my story to prevent countless mothers from experiencing similar heartache.

I shutter to think what would have become of me and my children had I not had my mother’s love and financial means.

Why do we need to educate ourselves on the legal, financial & insurance policies?

My cautionary tale is what can happen if you don’t!

 

 

Toni McGillen

Copyright©2017